The Perfect Technique: The Presence of Understanding
Some years back I was asked as a somatic therapist to consult at a residential treatment center with a population that had a variety of psychological diagnoses. One man was a borderline schizophrenic and having worked with him on previous visits I knew that he could abruptly cross that line into anger and paranoia. Earlier in the day he became upset with me, saying I wasn’t helping him like I should. He then turned away visibly upset, his hands knotted in fists. That evening I was in a de-briefing session with the staff when this man, who I’ll call Marcus, came to the door. The woman who answered the door was startled, not only because he showed up, but because of his disheveled appearance, and distressed expression.
He told her that he had come to borrow a book that was recommended to him by one of the staff. Leaving him at the door she hurried off to find the book. When she left he stepped inside the room, looked in my direction and immediately headed towards me. I was instantly on alert, sensing (or imagining) that the bulge under his jacket was a weapon; a gun, I thought. My stomach churned. Everyone around the table froze. He stood over me and began an accusatory tirade that ended with, “and I have a knife”. He then zipped open his jacket gripping something inside. His eyes were feral, his breath labored, his face blotched as if a fire was burning under his skin. The room folded out and then spooled back in. A thousand thoughts were tumbling through my head, and a thousand more minnows were racing though my body. My heart felt like it was trying to escape my chest. I scanned the table; can anyone here be counted on if this goes wrong? It didn’t look like it.
I measured the distance from my foot to his groin. A dizzying array of knife take-away techniques reeled through my mind. I considered throwing my cup of coffee into his face while desperately trying to manage my breath. Then in an indeterminate moment I simply looked into Marcus’s eyes and saw a person who was in pain, and very frightened. Seemingly much more frightened than I was. I forgot about my fear and what throw or pin or kick I might be able to execute, and let myself simply be with him. I don’t know how much time went by as we took each other in, but without planning what to say I said, “Yes, I know”. His face suddenly changed and he became a ten year old boy, slumped and crestfallen.
“You do?” he asked.
“Yeh, I know you have a knife”, I replied.
He looked confused, but somehow relieved. Whatever scenario he had rehearsed was not going as planned. Perhaps he thought I would leap at him and he could use the knife on me for whatever reason made sense to him; or he simply wanted to be in control, to exert power in the face of his helplessness. In any case the understanding I expressed to him didn’t belong in his plan, but it moved him and he sheepishly asked if he could talk to me. I told him I’d be glad to and if he went to the meeting room I’d meet him there shortly. Zipping up his jacket he walked down the hallway to an adjoining room. As soon as the door shut our collective outbreath softened the room. Then it felt as if a min-earthquake in my belly began to shake me. Once I settled down I went to talk to Marcus and he did have a large kitchen knife; the variety that de-boned cuts of meat. My response to him, totally unrehearsed or planned, probably saved me, and perhaps everyone present from a potentially disastrous event.
Many martial artists, especially those who have put some time in, (I include myself here) take a certain pride in never hurting someone in a conflict situation. Over time the training, aside from producing martial skills, also creates a presence, confidence, and situational awareness that could potentially diffuse a disagreement before it became physically, and even emotionally violent; a capacity to neutralize someone’s aggression without hurting them. At the same time there lingers the question: “Would I really be able to take care of myself, or others, in a live situation?” In other words, “Does this stuff really work?” Or to bring it closer in: “Do I have the competency and skill to triumph in a physical confrontation?” In some corner of the martial artist’s mind there often lingers that faint, but present shadow, “What would be the perfect technique, and would I be able to pull it off?”
Reflecting back on the event with Marcus I realized that the martial techniques and moves I had practiced over the decades became instilled into a little understanding, the ability to see another’s pain and hopes, and it was the perfect technique.
This event happened many decades ago but its impact captivated me, and has held my attention over the years. The longing to be seen, to be really seen and acknowledged, as well as ability to see in depth is arguably one of the things that makes us human. I’ve grown to see that the capacity to fully grasp the essence of someone, to see into the heart of a person, into the sources of conflict, has the potential for a profound healing and union.
Take it easy, but take it,
Richard Strozzi-Heckler